Travel and Leisure

There are many half crazed, mad, lunatic conspiracy theorists who would have us believe that there never was any moon landings in the sixties and that all the films, photos and artifacts that supposedly was taken then, are faked and was made in a film studio by George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Arthur C Clark.

They say that it is too dangerous to walk on the moon, because of secret Strogg basis there, moon muggers as well as unearthly radiation. Others claim that the photos are all wrong, under exposed and where are the stars? Other lunatics say it is so hot on the moon that the astronauts would have been cooked alive in those big lumpy aluminum suits they were wearing. Still other say it is so cold on the moon that the lunar module would have cracked like metal falling in dry ice. Others say it is so dark on the moon that...well you get the picture

Well, la di da, I would say to these lunatics. I did some research on this subject and came up with the real truth like I always do. Traveling all over my home town and doing lots of research on the Internet I gathered all the evidence I need to write what I am about to write here.

The real truth is that people have been visiting the moon since the middle ages. The Nazi's even established a moon base there in 1942 and the Americans have been partying there since the late 50's. There are even those who claim that the Dogon tribe went there with mud and grass spaceships in ancient times...

But let's start at the beginning.

One evening in 1203 Johannes Vogel of Mittestadt in Germania had a dream that he was being pulled through the sky in a basket by twenty huge and powerful birds. The next morning he told his wife about his dream, who subsequently hit him on the head with a bread roller screaming: "You drunken, lazy oaf, go find work and bring money into the house for a chance. This is what happens when you eat too much meat and drink too much beer before going to bed at night."

But by that afternoon Vogel and his son were catching huge pelicans and flamingos in the nearby swamp. They then put the birds in a big enclosed camp where they had them do all kinds of exercises like aerobics and weight training for a period of three months.

They say that after catching the birds Johannes changed into a real nasty drill master and the birds hated him.

They say the day that they started their exercise regime Vogel walked through their ranks stating: "I have never seen a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."

Then Vogel started giving those birds the hardest training birds have ever received.

After those three months all those birds were well muscled and so muscular that even their wings had muscles, why even their muscles had muscles.

Johannes Vogel then put little harnesses on the birds and attached them to the great wicker basket that he inherited from his grandfather. The birds (all having birdbrains) immediately tried to escape on being released thinking more exercises were to follow and with this they pulled Johannes and his wicker basket into the sky. The more they tried to get away from Johannes, the higher they pulled him.

No birds flew like those birds flew on that day, not before nor afterwards...

They pulled the basket right past the atmosphere of earth and right to the moon. The problem was that the birds were totally exhausted and died on landing on the moon. Vogel had no way of returning to earth. No one really knows what happened to Vogel, but historians are sure that he was the first man who died on the moon.

When the Nazi's went to the moon in 1942 the only evidence they found of Vogel was a handwritten note which states: " No, no, it is them, they have returned... they have feathers, they have teeth, they are huge, no...I am sorry...mercy noooo....aaaaaaaaaahhhhh, I am being killed by....." and then they couldn't make out the scrawlings anymore.

In any case, the Nazi's established a base on the moon. This base is being used up to this day. Once the Nazi's were on the moon, they were contacted by renegade aliens who gave them lots of ultra modern unheard of technology, like rock and roll, television, Playstation, Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Internet, etc. The Nazi's subsequently used this technology to take over the world bit by bit, without anyone knowing and without shooting even one shot.

In the meantime the Americans have also reached the moon in 1950 being given the technology by traitorous Nazi scientists who wanted to save their own skins after the Nazis lost the war on Earth.

The Americans then also secretly established their own basis there. It is ironic that their first base was called Alpha 1999, after Doctor Alpha 1999 who was the inventor of the space screw.

With their typical I-am-never-satisfied-with-what-I-have attitude the Americans build lots of space stations on and around the moon and was soon on their way to Mars, Jupiter and Uranus where they have many colonies by now.

You didn't really think that these abducted people were abducted by Aliens, did you. No, gentle reader, these people are abducted to be used as slave labor for the American colonies on other planets in our solar system. Using humans to cut and carry rocks and doing mining is apparently more efficient than using machinery.

In any case by 1963 the Americans were already on Mars, but his was never made public.

In that same year, the then idiot who was voted in as president, John F Kennedy said that they will put a man on the moon. This is what happens if one gives a major speech after drinking two whole bottles of Irish Whisky.

This was really embarrassing to NASA who now had to start pretending as if they were really going to put a man on the moon, by using the primitive technology of Earth or at least the technology that it pretended to have.

Kennedy was leisurely killed one sunny day in Texas to teach him to keep his drunken mouth shut. This was done by an assassin from the moon that was specially assigned this task, because he would never be traced. He stood on the grassy knoll, right in front of Kennedy's car and shot him full in the face three times. After assassinating Kennedy he was simply beamed back up to the moon.

The FBI was too embarrassed to admit that they had no evidence on who killed Kennedy and framed Lee Harvey Oswald for the assassination. When they saw their case would be torn apart in court they hired Jack Ruby to kill Oswald and make the whole nasty episode go away (or so they thought).

To make a very long story short NASA then decided to fake the whole going to the moon episode. They used their movie studios on Mars to produce a fake moon landing. Why did they use the studios on Mars, you would ask. Not only was it more cost effective to make the movie there, it is also a secret location and they didn't have to make use of earth personnel. That is why no-one as yet came forward to claim that they were part of this elaborate hoax.

They just knew that Lucas and Spielberg would be the people with enough imagination to make such a movie. Where did you think two teenagers got such a lot of money from to produce blockbusters like Star Wars and Back to the Future? And why is Spielberg allowed to use secret, ultra modern NASA technology to make his movies? Now you know.

If you read the rest of the conspiracies on this site, you would know by now that NASA is being run by Jewish bankers who are in reality Egyptian bankers who are collecting money to build a humongous Giza like pyramid. These guys are so stingy they won't waste even one cent if they can prevent it.

Where is my proof for all this, my more intelligent readers would ask. I found this in a secret cave hidden in the mountains surrounding the village where I live.

1. An invoice with the NASA letterhead on made out to a Mister S Spielberg stating: Full amount for making movie of fake moon landing in our studios on the planet Mars.

2. A note written on NASA notepaper stating: Dear Mr Jack anyone-who-makes-fun-of-my momma-or-my-surname-is-a-death-motherfucker Ruby, our agents talked to Lee Harvey Oswald. He told us to tell you the following: "yo momma is so fat, the pyramid of Giza is her breakfast chair, you have a girly surname and go fuck yourself you big fat slob." Gun will be left in the middle stall in the basement toilet, if you are in the vicinity at about 09:30. Regards, Mr X aka the smoking thin man.

3. Apiece of moon rock with the legend LucasArt Light and Magic stamped on the bottom.

4. A photo of Spielberg standing hand around the neck with what looks like ET, but couldn't have been, because the photo was taken in 1963. In the background a signboard that says Mars City One McDonalds can clearly be seen.

If this doesn't convince you the moon landing was fake, you are a Lizard...